I have to tell you… visualizing this quote makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. Like I’ve climbed the top of a mountain. Jumped a few roadblocks and grew through many growing pains in 2014, and now January 2016 I feel like I’ve reached the top. I’m taking it in now. The view. The sun on my face, and the wind in my hair. I’m breathing again. A full breath. A breath I thought would never be so deep and calming.
Before 2015, I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t happy… truly happy. I was in battle. With what I wanted, with what wasn’t working and I struggled with why? Why not now? Why not me? Why do I have to sort out the weight I’m carrying on top of me and why isn’t it easier to do? Why don’t I have the dream I built so beautifully in my head and why why why can’t I let go of it if that dream isn’t really for me?
Because in 2014, the work I thought I was putting into myself and life wasn’t what I really needed to do. Was I really working on myself? It wasn’t until last year I realized I needed to continue to approach life in a new way. I needed to trust. I needed to let go of what was, live presently, and most importantly …humbly. Even if I felt broken and afraid. I needed to work on being thankful for what the world would opened up to me, and now as I look back, I’m so thankful that I was aware enough to change myself, because my eyes and heart were wide open and that’s when magic happened. Even if life didn’t feel as full right away, instead of dwelling, I accepted that I don’t get what I want without work. Instead I thought, “what do I need to keep doing? What do I need to keep working on?” And honestly, that’s when magic happened.
And for what felt like the first time, in a long time I was tested to trust myself and the plan of life in it’s entirety all over again. I had to find myself all over again. I had to build myself all over again and thank god, everything I had gone through, and felt broken about happened, because now I stand on top of the mountain, with all the reasons why things needed to happen. Knowing that I came from the bottom of myself and stand here now… wow what a beautiful view.
What I was feeling in 2014 were growing pains, lessons learned, lessons that had to be learned and would be the key to feeling more like myself than ever in 2015. I worked on myself, which I’m still continuing to do. And I’m not perfect, and that’s the message here. Never stop working on yourself. Defeats will come but it’s never the end. Take the hit. Take the punch. Make the mistake. Feel the kicks of life and don’t forget them… use them, because you WILL keep getting kicked. Use them to humble yourself and keep walking no matter what. You don’t even have to run… finding yourself again and dealing with what you have to learn isn’t a quick trip it’s a life long journey… but it’s worth taking every step of the way to keep learning.
So this 2016… my resolution is to try my best to stay humble, feel the kicks and not fight them, and work harder at always find something to be grateful for. And try my best to keep my face towards the sun so that shadows fall behind me.